half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
