You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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