Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
