Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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