You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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