See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
