i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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