LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
