i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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