I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
