so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
