i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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