Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
cat food counts as protein by the way
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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