she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
