I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
