Don't make out with my wife yet
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
