mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
