Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
