I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
