Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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