She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
