Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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