I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
