so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
