can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
