just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
