I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
