i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
