Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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