wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
