I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
