I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
