How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
