everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
