TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
