Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
