I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
