i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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