im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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