I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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