a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
