My hand turned me down
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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