He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
