I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
