DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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