whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
