it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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