That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
