I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
