and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
