dude i'm inner monologue high
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
