I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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