so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
