I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
