Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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