If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
