just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
