Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my poor anus
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
